Always on my mind.....

I really didn't expect the past days events to affect me so much.  As I have mentioned before, my Nanny Bess was the most influential person in my life and devastatingly, hearbreakingly died 3 years ago.  I have written a blog before about how she died and how much she meant to me...I tried but words really cant describe how much she meant to me....and how much I wish she was still around now....to see the happy me...now my life is sorted and settled.


Well I have wanted to get a new tattoo for quite a while dedicated to her....but I just couldn't face it before now.  It took me such a long time to come to terms with the fact that my lovely Nanny was no longer around.


On Saturday, after a spur of the moment decision egged on by Gemma, I got my tattoo done.  I didn't have to think about it, I had known for years what I wanted!  Nanny loved Hyacinths...and when we buried her ashes we planted Hyacinths on top.  So, a simple design of a Hyacinth with her name underneath - simple and quick but with so much meaning!  I am pleased with how it turned out :)

The few days since getting this done have made me quite emotional and I really wasn't expecting it!  After all, this is number 6 of my tattoos and I thought it was no big deal.....I didn't realise how it would affect me.....explaining to the tattooist why I was getting it done and why it had taken me 3 years....and what kind of woman she was.  She has been on my mind constantly the last few days, not that she isn't always anyway but even more so....I have so many memories. I am so so glad I got this done!  She liked me tattoos...my first ever was the rose on my chest and that was because Nanny always called me her 'Sweet English Rose'.

I miss her so much....I just wish there was some way of bringing her back, if only I could have just one more hug with her and have her stroke my face the way she used to.  I have so much to tell her.  I know she had a painful heart watching me grow up the way I did and I wish she could realise how much she influenced my life, how much she made things more bearable for me knowing I could turn to her anytime, she was the friend that can never be replaced....so many things I do now, everything is attributed to her!  I could go on and on.......

Merry Christmas to my lovely Nanny Bess....wherever you are!  Love you lots, always on my mind!

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