Kev is amazingly positive about his CF which is quite remarkable since his own sister Gina died and many of his friends over the years. He is absolute proof that a positive mental attitude does wonders for your health and well being. That is why he was able to help me so much in my darkest hours.....yes, I had it tough when I was growing up, its over now, Kev has to live with facing this horrible condition everyday! He can't take a day off from it, he can't pretend its not there and he can't bring back all the people he has had to say goodbye to in his life.
I remember the first time that the harsh reality of CF hit me. Another of Kev's friends died...Tracy. He had been very close to Tracy and they had grown up together. I had heard so much about her and was looking forward to meeting her one day....I still have the engagement card she sent us. I remember I was at work one evening, still at F6 then and got a facebook inbox (Kev and I were on the same facebook then and the notifications were sent to my Blackberry) from Tracy's niece Sarah gently explaining that Tracy wasn't going to make it this time. I tried to get home from work before Kev saw it so I could talk to him and tell him....I walked in and he was sitting on the sofa...I simply asked..."have you been on facebook recently?"...he said yes...and in the time it had taken me to get home, Tracy had died. I felt so sad for him and his family who all knew Tracy well. How sad.
We all went to the funeral. This was only the second funeral I had ever been to...the first being Nanny Bess. I found it all very hard to take in. I remember a baby, perhaps 18 months, who kept staring at me...and it coughed, I just knew it had CF. It made me so sad. As the funeral came to an end, I got hysterically upset. My now sister-in-law Yvonne comforted me and asked why I was so upset since I hadn't actually met Tracy.....the reality had hit and I suddenly got so scared of losing Kev. It all made sense to Yvonne....I was still new to CF and she did her best to make me feel better. "He's a tough cookie...and a stubborn bugger!" she said....she was right. As much as that was a sad day, I really bonded with Yvonne then. She, like the rest of her wonderful family, had taken herself out of her own grief to comfort me! It takes a special person to do that.
I am a great believer that every cloud has a silver lining. From everything bad, there is something good. From my horrible childhood, I now have happiness with Kev. From Tracy dying, I have now found a wonderful friend in Sarah, Tracy's niece! A few weeks after the funeral, I sent her an inbox asking how she was...and since that day, we have never stopped emailing back. Looooong messages, talking about everything! Kev and I are now saving and planning for Sarah and Darren's Disney Wedding in Florida next year! :)
Luckily (luck is the wrong word coz Kev works very hard on maintaining his health) CF, doesn't affect our daily lives too much. Kev is 45 now which makes him an old man for CF especially for his good health. His lung function is high, he doesn't have oxygen and he doesn't use conventional treatment but has used other methods since the age of 26. He is currently undertaking a new challenge called "Pimp my Body" to help him gain weight...maintaining a high weight is difficult for people with CF but so important, in order for the body to fight infections, they need lots of weight and energy. He has set up a just giving page to raise money for CF Trust while he is putting his weight on! http://www.justgiving.com/realhealth.
The other day at work I was on a study day which really made me stop and think. We were going over some basic anatomy and talking about the respiratory system and air exchange. From an anatomy point of view, its all so simple, we don't have to think about breathing...the body just does it. But from a CF point of view, they do have to think about breathing....often they cant do too much at once like climbing stairs and talking...or walking too far or some of my friends whose health is not good, have to think about every single breath.
We don't realise how lucky we are to have good health! Made me realise, as tough as things were for me, there will always will be someone worse off, for whatever reason. Kev has taught me to focus on the positives in life and not look back, to focus on his good health now and now and not what might happen in the future, to focus on being happy together now rather than when we are apart. A truly inspirational man!
One day he sang this to me....and as for "P.S I love you", which is being shown here, I cannot watch this film....lovely film but far too close to home for me! I love you Kev! xxxx
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