Because of this, I always thought I would be a bad Mum as I would probably always be anxious about doing a poor job! So when Kev told me that he is infertile due to his Cystic Fibrosis, I wasn't too bothered.
However, as we settled into happy married life and I approached my late twenties, I suppose the inevitable happened and I started to get broody. Many of my friends including Zoe were pregnant and it started to really upset me. I was so happy when Zoe and Gareth announced their pregnancy! Zoe and I used to talk for hours about when she would get pregnant and how exciting it would be. I was so thrilled for them and I knew we would be in the baby's life....but then I got that sinking reminder that it will never be me/us announcing our pregnancy!
I suppose it is quite natural for me to get broody, especially now I am 27 and have been married over a year, its the next 'natural' step for most couples. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing about my new life and I hate when people say "I told you you'd get broody" - almost like falling in love with Kev who happens to be infertile was a choice.... or like I would 'trade him in' for a man with sperm if LOVE hadn't got in the way?!! We just fell in love and there was nothing either of us could do about it.
Many people have said that there is no other feeling quite like carrying your baby for 9 months, touching and talking to your bump, labour and holding your baby in your arms the second they are born! It is tough knowing I will never experience it. However, a lot of people have said to me that having a baby is not everything and that Kev and I have a deeper love than some people ever experience in a whole lifetime which I tend to agree with :)
Due to a variety of health problems, there are no options for us regarding fertility and conception.
On 24th August this year, we heard from Gareth that their little girl Georgia had been born! I was so happy and shed tears of joy! After meeting Georgia, I can now kind of understand what people mean when they say that they 'fall in love' with their babies as soon as they meet them. When I held Georgia, she was so happy and content in my arms...complete perfection! I got an overwhelming feeling of love for this little, innocent life! Zoe and Gareth have said they would like Georgia to grow up calling us 'Uncle Kevin and Auntie Angie' which is amazing and touches me more than they will ever really understand! As I suspected, the flood gates opened but in a good way....it was almost euphoric holding her, like nothing could go wrong while holding her in my arms!
We also now have our adorable Great Niece Asia Marie who is nearly a year old! She lives in London with her mum so we don't get to see her very much....but when we do, she is so lovely! She is starting to get her own personality now and is so funny and loving! Beautiful girl! xxx
As much as I sometimes wish things were different for us, it would never really be practical for us to have children. Kevin's health has to come first and even if we were able to have children, we wouldn't want to for a few years anyway, until we had had a few years of happy married life and are completely ready for that next step. With CF, you don't have the luxury of time!
With all of this, I honestly cannot say what decision we would have come to if Kev didn't have CF and if there were no fertility issues....but as Kev says....you cannot live your life on 'what if's'.
I love Kev immeasurably, we are so happy together. We have so much now and I wouldn't change any of it - not for a thousand babies! I have come to accept that, as much as being a mum is probably an amazing feeling, its one I wont experience....but I get an amazing feeling every single day with the love of my life - my husband! xxxx
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