A cruel turn of events...

We slowly started coming back down to Earth after our wedding and decided to invite Auntie Linda and the girls up to Suffolk for the day in September.  The evening before, my phone rang at 11pm which I thought was pretty unusual - most people know I fall asleep early in the evenings!  


It was Auntie Linda - I looked at Kev, I just knew something was wrong!  I answered the phone wondering what I was going to hear, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach as Lin said "Ange, we lost Nanny tonight!"....WHAT?!!  I dropped the phone and Kev came rushing over as I burst into tears.  He grabbed the phone and spoke to Lin.


I just couldn't believe it!  It turns out she had some stomach problems and it sounds like she got the pain again and had a heart attack.  I was in complete shock...I didn't know she was ill...when you haven't seen someone for 15 years, generally you don't start talking about health and ailments.


Suddenly, I got an intense rush of guilt and regret!  Luckily I had seen her before she died but thanks to my father, I hadn't seen her for 15 years before that!  What if I hadn't seen her that last time?!  It couldn't be true!  I was so looking forward to getting to know them all over again...and so suddenly, it was over!  I was so thankful that I had seen her again and that we were at peace with each other, I had heard the truth from her.  Imagine if she had died and I had never got to speak to her again.  As I was growing up, I always had an intense fear that Nanny and Grandad would die before I saw them again...I used to have nightmares about my parents getting a random phone call saying they had died.  Luckily that didn't happen but that didn't stop me feeling guilty!


At midnight, my phone rang again - it was Hayley!  She and Lucy wanted to phone me to make sure I was OK....all 3 of us were crying but I was so touched that they thought of me.....as upset as I was, I was aware that they would have been absolutely heartbroken....I remembered how I felt when Nanny Bess died!  For them to think of me when grieving so much themselves was so nice.


The next few weeks were quite an ordeal.  Lin explained that she felt she had to contact my sister.  I completely understood but suddenly I was full of fear again!  Kev and I were going to go to the funeral and I was terrified they would all turn up and make a scene....I wouldn't put anything past them.  Unbelievably, my sister got nasty with Lin and the girls and demanded to know when they had all seen me....apparently she didn't show any signs of upset over the fact her Grandmother had just died.....and still to this day, we don't know if she passed on the message to my mum....after all, my feelings aside, my mum should be told that her mum has died!


The funeral was a tough day....thankfully my parents and sister didn't show up but that didn't stop me looking over my shoulder again and I hated that feeling!  Just the thought of possibly seeing them again and I was a nervous wreck!  The service was..nice but I still couldn't believe it.  Just one month ago (almost to the day), we were so happy to be meeting again and here we were standing at her funeral! :(  


Afterwards, we all went to my Aunt Kath's house (Grandad's sister) for the wake.  It was weird to see some of my relatives again, especially in the circumstances!  I was worried as I didn't know if people thought negatively about me but all was OK.  It was pretty surreal.


I managed to sit and have a chat with Grandad.  I was so worried about him, they had been together for so long.  I had missed so much over the years....and the more I thought about what I'd missed, the more I began to resent my father and his selfish actions throughout his whole life...and mine!


Life could be so cruel...but I will be forever grateful that I got to see her again when I did....before it was too late!