My actual birthday came and went and I felt glad I had celebrated with my friends. On 8th April, just one day after my birthday, all hell broke loose with my Dad! A few months earlier I had gone on a 'make over day' with my friend Zoe. We had a brilliant day - hair, make up, nails and then a 2 hour photo shoot! Great fun. Well Zoe decided to buy all the pictures on the DVD as we were so pleased with them and she gladly made me a copy. I added the pictures to my facebook as most people do. Kevin had been flirting shamelessly and saying how much he wanted to see them! Well, on the 8th, I was at work and got a phone from my father who said he had just seen one of my pictures on the internet! Now I couldnt be bothered to investigate but all I could think was that he had been looking for me on facebook but then wouldn't admit to snooping so he said my picture had been on a random website....which I know is untrue. I had been very careful with my settings so I knew he was lying.
To the left is the photo he saw which I had cropped as my profile picture!Well he went nuts at me on the phone and demanded I went home. Obviously I knew he was in a foul temper and I didn't want to but I had to face the music. I knew he had been drinking which made things a lot worse, I was really scared and was shaking as I drove home. I was right, he was in a filthy mood and it was just best for me to keep my mouth shut and let him rant. He scared me silly, I couldn't stop shaking, he was acting like a monster, smashing the house up, incredibly aggressive and shouting so loudly I thought the neighbours would be round any minute but even they knew better than that, he had a reputation! I wished someone would call the Police but he intimidated everyone...I knew no-one would! I so much wanted to just run away from him.
He was worse that night than I had ever seen him. He went through my phone again and even tried to ring Zoe to see if our 'stories' matched. Luckily before I left work, I had managed to get hold of her and told her what had happened. She knew not to answer her phone. She ended up getting a text from my father typed by me which he dictated and told me to send...apologising for my behaviour. Everything he did was to humiliate me and control me. That is why I had so few friends and the ones I did have knew the score, Zoe knew not to believe anything she heard from my father that night. I know she was worried about me going home as she knew what his temper was like!
When he finally told me to get up - I had been kneeling on the floor as I "was not worthy to stand in the same room as him" (his words!) and go to my room (yes at 25 years old he told me to go to my room!!!), I was relieved! I climbed into bed and sobbed hysterically, I couldn't even breathe, I was trying not to make any noise in case he heard me and got angry again. I didn't know what to do....just a few days ago, I had been shown that I had the genuine love of a man and that I was surrounded by lovely friends who really liked and supported me. I went from being on top of the word to complete humiliation being treated worse than ever before. I laid and thought of Nanny and how I wished I could just speak to her. I knew she was watching me, that's probably why I had a very loud voice in my head saying "GET OUT NOW!". She would have been heartbroken to have seen me like that....at the hands of her own son!
I laid there thinking what to do and how I could possibly get out. I didn't feel at all safe. When I heard him go to bed and start snoring, I crept out of my room into the kitchen and got a knife....I took it to bed with me because I was so scared of him. I didn't sleep a wink as I was too scared he would come in again. In hind sight, I don't know what I would have done with the knife if he had come in.....but it was the only way I could feel any protection at that moment. I considered packing a bag and leaving there and then but I knew I could never get out of the house without waking him. Kevin knew something was very wrong...he kept trying to ring but obviously I couldn't talk and I had to keep my memory erased on my phone in case dad came back in.....I wished Kevin could come and get me, I knew he would have done but I couldn't face another 'scene' with dad.
I had to come up with a plan...NOW....I couldn't live like this anymore....
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