I soon realised I needed to do something before my depression got worse. I decided to try and get some semblance of a social life. My sister and I had done a lot of dancing when we were small and I really missed it...dancing made me feel free..a great way to express yourself without using words and a great release! I found a Salsa class in Bury near to the hospital with my plan of going to these classes after work...giving me an excuse to hang around in town, breeze round some shops....a bit of peace to myself....and a chance to meet some new friends. I was 24 years old by now and didn't think it was unreasonable?!
My plan worked well although it was still pretty impossible to get out of the house if I wasn't already in Bury...so I started requesting early shifts at work for around salsa. I found I still had rhythm and really enjoyed Salsa and as I hoped, started to make a lovely group of friends. The group had monthly party nights where you can dance freestyle all night and get to know people...I loved it....my escape. It was like I could leave all my home life behind for a few hours and pretend I was normal. I seemed able to make friends more easily there when people didn't know anything about me. My confidence seemed to be growing....I always had been very shy and quiet and found it so difficult to talk to people I hadn't met before. With dancing it was different, you would dance first and then talk later.
Salsa helped me a lot, the more I learnt, the better I danced, the more my confidence grew and so I danced more and talked to more people. I started to think that maybe I wasn't such a bad person and things might change...until reality hit and I remembered Dad's behaviour.
Well for the January party (2009), I had had a tough week at work and because I looked forward to the parties so much, I decided to get my hair done at the hairdressers. I had very long hair and got it curled and pinned up in a movie style way! I had a new dress and went out feeling on top of the world. I had become very secretive (and quite sneaky I am ashamed to say) in order to start doing thing I wanted to do. Like, my father would have been very angry to see how I had gone out that night....not because my dress was revealing or I was inappropriately dresesd or anything like that.....but because I felt good and by that age, I had started to get male attention - he probably knew one day I would want a boyfriend. That scared the hell out of him but he tried to deal with that by trying to keep me in.
Well at that party something was different - I didn't know then that that night was the beginning of the rest of my life....
There was a new man at the party, I knew most people at the parties by now especially the men because they were the ones I danced with! I was sitting with a group of friends and he came in and chatted to the teacher. Our eyes met across the room...it was like something out of a movie! He was tall, dark, handsome and there was something mysteriously fascinating about him! I knew he was watching me dance with the others - I had often been complimented on my 'spinning' and loved it when other men spun me across the dance floor in front of him. I seemed to get a buzz from knowing he was watching even though I had no idea who he was! We didn't speak a word that night but shared a few glances and smiles. I had no idea why I couldn't get that man's face out of my mind and why I was more excited than normal for the next class on Tuesday!!
I was so pleased with my hair, I took a pic and just found it on my phone! :)
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